Some Diphole Steals by Bag -- But Worst of All, My Wide Eyed Innocence

After crossing the border into Costa Rica on Saturday the 20th:

Ran back into Katie, a friend I made in Ometepe!

"DANGER: AREA OF ASPERSION. TOXIC VAPORS. DON'T PASS"
"Let's all pass! Whee!!!" 

I even got to meet the mythical Toilet Woman. She was incredible and granted me two wishes. I'm betting you can guess what they were. 

And quite enjoying Monteverde, a touristy city high up in the mountains:

A zip-lining dummy outside my hostel's window I kept forgetting was there and then gasping in fright.

Wow, a whole museum for herpes!
Unfortunately once you become a member of the Herpetarium it's lifelong and you can never get rid of it. You'd think they'd have day passes or something. 

I find this to be a perfect metaphor for Costa Rica. 

Okay, is Salchipapas not the most brilliant thing you've heard? Someone make this happen in America!

And hiked nearly every single trail in the Santa Elena cloud forest (including one that was not even on the map):

I did the bottom 3 

Including witnessing an epic battle between two birds:

My bag stolen on the bus from Monteverde to San Jose!

THAT MUST BE THE GUY! That hat is soooo shady. That's why he bought it. 

I had put it in the overhead compartment above me and right before I arrived in San Jose I reached up to get some granola I'd packed and all that was left was my lighter! (You don't need to know what I need that for. Alright fine. I've succumbed to the beast of cigars. God help me.) It was a really shitty feeling and a lump formed in the back of my throat (though oddly I didn't cry. I never cry at anything unless it's at an episode of Scrubs where they have the sad part at the end.)

I had previously prepared for such a thing to happen. I always strapped my passport, credit card, driver's license, all my money, my camera, tape recorder to my body while I traveled, which is the reason I think I was so lax and let myself fall asleep on the bus like that. (I even happened to have my iPod too which was great.) But he got away with my laptop (which was honestly a piece of diarrhea -- less than $300, windows 8 which sucks crazy balls, and the touch screen had already broken. It's also password protected so I don't know what he's gonna do with it) but the most valuable of the things I lost was my writing notebook! Arggh!! I had started it on the day I left the trip, filled it with such good writing, and it was nearly filled!

It's a good thing I had also put an extra security bomb in my bag which explodes upon opening so that guy is now in pieces and dead and I'm guessing probably hell!

In addition, earlier that morning my main bag which I've been using since I bought it in Esteli split open 30 minutes before I had to board my bus! I had to strap a belt around it to keep it together (I even had to bore new holes in the belt using scissors LOL).

So when I got to San Jose I was a walking mess. Luckily I met a couple of really great gals from Italy who let me use their phone to call home to update what was going on. Then I ran around San Jose and found the most miraculous backpacker's type bag for only 3600 colones which is less than $40! I felt like I stole from them! (It's always good to make yourself feel better about the misdeeds others have done to you by passing them off onto somebody else... ahhhh.)

This thing is a miracle. I have already made sex to it. 

And I walked around replacing some things I'd lost. 

Then I took the bus and arrived at Puerto Viejo, on the Caribbean coast: 

It's a fascinating mix of Caribbean and Costa Rican culture. I think the picture of a Latino soap opera next to Caribbean art really says it all: 

"AY DIOS MIOS MI AMOR ESTOY EMBARAZADA Y MURIENDO DE CANCER Y AIDS!" 

As does this one: 

I spent all day today rewriting the brilliant and fresh works of fiction I'd lost (but even more so, the world had lost) in an internet cafe which is where I am now. Tomorrow I will cross the border into Panama (yes, last border!) then head to Santiago on the weekend to meet an old friend from college! I hope I can update this blog one more time before I have to fly home on May 1st!

Thanks for reading! Now your "moment of Zen" --

"Welcome to my restaurant! Would ya like to buy some vegetables that'd been out all day in a plastic lid that used to be a Lincoln log box? Oh and don't mind my coffee!" 

Oh My Tepe!

Thursday the 10th I left my hostel in Managua, took a cab to the bus terminal where I took a chicken bus to Rivas which got crazy:

On the bus a very nice woman named Maria offered the seat next to her and when I squished in she said "I'm a little fattie," in Spanish. We were friends that moment forward of course.

Me: "Yay!!!" Her: "Why the hell are you photographing me right now?"

She had bags full of necklaces on her lap and she gave me 4 of them for free! I couldn't believe it!

In Rivas I took a very overpriced cab (which the American in me really wanted to complain about, but it worked out to be $5. What was I going to say, "It should be $3!!!" Come on. I didn't come to Central America to be a Walgreens coupon shopper) to San Jorge:

Where I caught a ferry:

 

"Ahhh.... other white people!"

The ferry leads to Ometepe, an island in Lago Nicaragua, made up of two volcanoes.

 

 

On the island feather color isn't a factor

 



This was a more beautiful site than the volcanoes or the beaches

Traffic jam

On the first day I caked myself in sun screen and set out on a rented bicycle.

 

 

 

 

The hills were insane and the bike sucked. But there was nothing cooler than riding around on a Nicaraguan island at night. Nothing.

 

I visited the Ojo de Agua (Eye of Water) which is a natural spring:

 

 

And then I climbed this volcano. I heard from the locals it was the best place to bury a body:

 



 

 



At the top is a huge lagoon in the crater





Cloudy view from the top of the volcano

 

All this stuff was great but soon the island started to test my patience. For the bulk of the time I stayed at El Bosque in Santo Domingo. (I'd highly recommend Santa Cruz over Santo Domingo. Better vibes and wayyyy cheaper food.) On the first day I noticed that the restaurants in Santo Domingo were so expensive so I figured I'd just make my food. So I go to the over-priced pulperias (little grocery stores, almost like their version of Walgreens except family owned) and picked up sandwich stuff (bread, mayo, tuna, peanut butter, jelly, etc) and a dozen eggs. While I'm walking back to my hostel, I'm thinking I don't remember seeing a kitchen... There has to be a kitchen! What kind of a house wouldn't have a kitchen?

 

Of course, no kitchen. The owner happened to be around and I told him my dilemma. He said (in Spanish), "Ah! The pulperia next door has a kitchen and they're technically the same house. Same property, we've just split it up. So they'll let you use their kitchen!" And I thought, Great! So I go over to the people sitting in front of the little shop.

 

"Hi, can I use your kitchen?"

 

"No."

 

And then I walked past the owner again and explained they just flat-out said "No." He talked to them for me and came back and said, "They said you can use their kitchen in 20 minutes!" I didn't even explain to him that my meal of choice in one sitting was not a full loaf of bread, dozen eggs, can of peanut butter, jelly, and mayo though I may like it to be. So I went back to the pulperia where I bought all the sandwich stuff merely 20 minutes ago to ask to return my food and they refused.

 

The guy who explained this to me kept saying "Mira. Mira." and so I said "No es mira es mierda." I think it was my first Spanish play on words.

 

I hate to be such a spoiled American but I'm not used to such a lackadaisical culture. For example, the return ferry from the island nearly capsized:

 

 

 

 It kept tilting extremely far to one side. Don't any one of you care about that?!

And then I finally arrived in San Juan del Sur:

 

 

It's so different from Ometepe. Ometepe was very quiet and relaxed. San Juan del Sur is like a giant nightclub. My hostel where I'm writing this right now is literally vibrating. I'm vibrating.

And I finally surfed for the first time in my life!

But even that wore my nerves down! The teacher Alex asked me which beach I'd like to go to, "We can go to this one which is very chill, or we can go to Mareda which has tons of girls in little bikinis. Lots of puuuussy." Oh great, my favorite. So of course we headed to Mareda and the waves were terrible! They were way too high for a beginner. Dangerous. Despite that, I end up getting up on the board several times which was cool but then he says he has to go back into town to get more people for more lessons "So I can make more money. I'll be back in a couple hours to come get you!" He leaves, taking the leg leash with him so I can't even use the board the entire time. I spend some time writing, some time eating, some time drinking, finally go for a run, and then he finally returns and has his van loaded with girls he's going to drive to their hostel and return only "20 minutes later." When he returns nearly an hour later I say "Okay let's go," and he's like "Oh man there are some other people getting lessons here, I have to stay for them," and I tell him to "Fuck off." He feels so bad he arranges another transportation for me to finally get back to San Juan. Arggh!

You've got to have patience in Central America. People are so chill that it's on the one hand very cool because everyone's friendly, everyone. I love talking to these people, they're so great! Everybody's relaxed, slow-paced, and comfortable. However they also end up pulling all the shit listed above because they just don't care. They do what they want, when they want and too bad for you. For the first 6 weeks I reacted to this with amusement. How charming and different! I'd think. Now, my inner American is extremely red and soar. Get it together!!! I think now. I need to just breathe and adjust my expectations. Only 2 weeks left at this point!

THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR ---- 

Watch this video. It could probably be a youtube sensation if I posted it there.  

 There was this horse rental place in Ometepe:

The skeleton head is interesting isn't it? "Hi, I'd like to rent a horse but please make sure it's dead."

 

 Some of the bugs are massive! Look at this bee my God!

 Watch the crab drama unfold in my room in San Juan del Sur:



Translation: Flavor! Flavor! Ice cream! Chocolate bananas! Ice! Beans! Stews! GOD IS LOVE!

Christ lives! So eat greasy salty crap!